man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
But we have bathrooms and they dont
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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