I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
