well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
