my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
