fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
