i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I am one with the molecules
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
