the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
my being single is dangerous.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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