I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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