i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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