We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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