i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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