They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
