shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
