We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
The uberlube is also flammable
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
