Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
