i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
