the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
