sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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