Got a toothbrush?
Yo dont text me then not text me
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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