Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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