My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
