I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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