Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Actions speak louder than pants.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
