she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
