After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
