I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
