So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
