I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You're like the curious george of whores
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize