so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
