i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
as a side note pls kill me
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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