i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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