all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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