I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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