In America we eat man semen.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
