I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
