Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
