you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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