I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Everclear isn't food dammit
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
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