You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
this boner is exhausting
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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