I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize