we're blogging at a bar
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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