I have demons in me.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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