She said her name was "party"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
My vagina just clenched in fear
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
