every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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