I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
