So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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