he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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