this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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