I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
This girl is more easily done than said...
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
