I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
