I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize