Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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