hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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