she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize