i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
