hotel room ftw
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
