like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
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