Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
