That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
zippers are such a cool invention
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
