u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
