First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
