I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Randomize
