She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
