This is not my ceiling
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
