Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
