the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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