i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
